AUSTIN, TEXAS–Governor Greg Abbott took his crusade against mandatory COVID-19 restrictions to a whole new level on Friday. Speaking before hundreds outside the Texas State Capitol, Abbott detailed an executive order to make clothing optional at all public schools.
Effective immediately, the executive order will allow students not to wear whichever articles of clothing they please, the least of which being masks. Teachers and other members of school staff will be included. There are no anticipated setbacks with the implementation of this new policy.
“This initiative starts with the kids because, at the end of the day, it’s for the kids,” the Governor explained. “The liberals are trying to take away our freedoms. They want our kids to grow up without rights. They want to put muzzles over their faces!” he continued. What followed was an evocative dramatization as Abbott ushered muzzled children onto the stage. “Is this what you want?”
Despite pressures from liberals throughout the COVID-19 pandemic, Abbott has stood his patriotic ground in the war against our American rights. Thus far, he has successfully protected Americans’ best interests on everything from lockdowns to masks, freedom of speech, science, vaccines, Mexicans, and more.
“I’m no hero; I’m just Greg,” Abbott declared before dropping his pants and mooning the onlookers.