TOLEDO, OH–Hundreds of Toledo residents took to the streets to protest the centenarian designation awarded to recently deceased old woman Muriel Haggarty. This coming just one week after Muriel celebrated her 100th birthday surrounded by dozens of friends, family, and even the local Toledo WTVG-TV News team. The festivities concluded following Muriel’s death at precisely 3:49 P.M. She was believed to have surpassed the 100-year mark at 1:57 P.M., her time of birth.
Upon further inspection into Muriel’s murky past, her nephew, Reese Haggarty, uncovered some damning information: Muriel was born in Boise, Idaho, of the Mountain Time zone — two hours behind Ohio’s Eastern Time zone. Although it was 3:49 P.M. in Ohio, this revelation means that Muriel would not actually turn 100 until 3:57 P.M., making her 8 minutes shy of reaching centenarian status.
“A fraud! She’s born in Boise!” Reese chanted through a megaphone outside the WTVG-TV News station, ground-zero for the protests. The uproar continued for hours as up to 900 protesters gathered alongside Reese to speak their peace on his Aunt’s undeserved designation. We caught up to Reese at the conclusion of his demonstration, “I feel so lied to. We all do. Everyone gave her gifts, and we had this big celebration all under the guise that she’d turned 100. Little did I know that my Aunt Muriel was a good-for-nothing con artist. She knew what she was doing. I will forever hate her for that.”